So So Much

I will be back. I promise. Soon.

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Movin' On Up?

I'm seriously starting to freak out.

I am about to begin my (first) senior year of college, and I still have no idea what I want to do when I graduate.

Unfortunately, I have delayed the decision so much that after six majors, countless hours spent poring over career exploration books, and advice from every single real-world-living adult I know, I am still banging my head against a wall.

The plan was to become an English teacher, and then I found at that after all of my major changes and the countless hoops that you have to jump through just to graduate from the education program at this particular university. After realizing that it was going to take me six years just to complete my B.A., I decided that I would be better off majoring in something else and finding an alternate way of get my teaching certification.

That's when I heard about the Teach for America program and all the wonderful things it had to offer a wide-eyed college graduate who liked to serve, liked children, and maybe wanted to go to graduate school. Maybe.

As I began to look at different schools, I realized that an advanced degree could put me in a position to do exactly what I wanted to do--never leave college.

So, I looked at law schools, fellowships, assistantships, and even the Peace Corps because all of these things could lead to me going to graduate school, in some cases, free of charge.

Free? This just kept sounding better and better.

Now, I'm all hopped on excitement about finding fellowships and assistantships for a Grad program, and telling everyone that I've decided that I'm going to graduate school!

I told my mom ("You go girl!"), my grandma ("How are you going to ever find a nice, young, black man to marry if you gonna foreva be in the classroom?!"), my siblings ("How do you graduate from college and then go BACK to college?"), and most importantly, my Ashley Ann ("Oh my god, Ash! We could, like, BOTH have Master's degree's!").

Everyone was very excited for me and I was excited about their excitement, and then they asked that damn question that is haunting me now: "What are you going to go to graduate school to study?"

I. Don't. Know. I have NO idea. I wish I did but I just DON'T.

1. Law


2. Student Affairs


3. English


4. Counseling


5. Secondary Education


6. Philanthropic Studies


7. Non-Profit Management


8. African-American Studies

These are a few of the programs I have considered.

I have chosen nothing.

It's not a good feeling to lack direction. It reeks of immaturity and a wishy-washy personality, and I do not claim either. The truth of the matter is that everyone has doubts, hopes, and fears about the career decisions that they make, and that does call for time consuming research and reflection about the subject, but should I still be SO confused?

All I want is a little direction. Just a smidgen.

Part of me just wants to say "Screw it all!" and just try doing stand-up comedy professionally after I graduate. However, I realize that such an endeavor requires a passion for performing that I simply do not posses. After the passing of the comedienne that I was raised listening to, Mr. Bernie Mac, I am aware now more than ever, that I should leave comedy to the people who really want it.

The only thing that I have ever been truly passionate about is helping other people. Where that puts me, I don't know.

But why do I have to be in school for eleventy-billion years before I find out?!

Or should I find out before I keep going to school.

Who knows?

Who cares?

I'm just going to kick back and wait for my financial aid to come through.