Okay, so that's not a movie title, but let’s face it. It’s way more believable than the actual movie.
For those of you who don’t know, the movie “The Sisterhood of the traveling Pants” is a movie about four, adolescent, female, best friends who in preparation for spending their first summer apart from one another, go shopping and find a pair of pants that fit all of them perfectly (even the curvalicious Latina America Ferrera). The girls deem the pants ‘magical’ and decide that the pants will connect them all through the summer.
No, seriously.
Well, the pants work enough magic to end the movie with a hot Greek semi-boyfriend for the thin Greek brunette, a hot blonde soccer-superstar semi-boyfriend for the tall thin blonde, a semi-hot Asian videogame wizard boyfriend for the thin gothy brunette, and of course, an apology from an absentee father for our resident curvy Latina.
NO.
Seriously. However, the lack of sensitivity for curvy minority women and their ability to date hot or even semi-hot Greeks, blondes, or Asians is not really my issue with the film. As a matter of fact, I’m not even really sure I have an issue with the film as much as I do with the questions I asked myself after viewing it.
The question that entered my thoughts most: “Why don’t I have a group of female friends like that?”
Of course, I’ve asked myself this question before, but for some reason, after seeing this movie, I was more concerned with finding the answer and the answers I usually used to sate this curiosity were coming up short.
After some thought about my successful friendships with women compared to those I’ll describe as more challenging, I came to a conclusion that I believe is accurate (in my life). Most (not ALL) women don’t know how to be friends with other women. They only know how to be in competition with other women. That’s what was missing in TSOTTP. None of these girls were in competition with each other. They all had very distinctive personalities that didn’t crossover so that any girl could impose another’s “territory”.
When I think about my friendships with women that have failed or seem to be more challenging than others, the consistent variable is that I feel like these women are competing with me about something.
It could be material (“I have more stuff than you so I’m happy”, “You have more stuff than me so I’m unhappy”, or even “I have more stuff than you so I’m angry that you’re happier than me”).
It could involve men (“I attract more men than you so I’m happy”, “You attract more men than me so I’m unhappy”, or even “My boyfriend is better than yours!”).
It could be intellectual (“I’m smarter than you so I’m happy”, “You’re smarter than me so I’m unhappy”, or even “You think you’re so.damn.smart.”)
It could even be spiritual (“Look how much better I am than you at being Christ like”, “Look how much I know about the bible”, and even (“You have a religion?! Ha! You’re obviously not capable of thinking for yourself”)
Whatever the reason, it’s a little disconcerting for me. I have never been a competitive person. I actually suck at it. It's the reason I don't play sports and a good part of the reason I don't play videogames anymore. I tend to become very uncomfortable with people who compete in every aspect of their lives. It's hard enough just living sometimes without having to worry about how a "friend" is going to judge you for your shortcomings. That's way too much pressure for me.
Of course, I am not implying than men are not competitive. However, I do think that men are more likely to be
open about their competiveness and also to leave it “on the field”. Women compete silently and sometimes maliciously.
It’s hard to get close to someone when you’re main concern is preserving an image of perfection. Unfortunately, quite a few women are doing just that. I am one of those women who does spend most of her free time with male friends. The vast majority of my closest friends are male with a few female exceptions, but within those female exceptions, even fewer of them are friends with one another.
My very best friend in the whole world is female, and I truly believe our friendship is as strong as it is because neither of us have any interest in competing with one another. We live very different lives, though our world views are almost always the same, there is never any common ground for us to compete on.
Now, I don’t think that a little
open competition is unhealthy in female relationships, but when the competition turns bitter, which it seems to when it’s not out in the open, I do believe that the friendship suffers. This is all speculation and I most definitely could be wrong on every point. But I don’t think I am.
What do you think?
My best friend (Ashley) and I
