I Do Not Go To College For Free

Fair warning: This is going to be a rant. 


The summer before I started college I worked at a Boy Scout camp. Indeed, I was the only black person to work at said camp in recent history, and as far as anyone there knew, the only black female to have ever worked there. It was a full on integration.


Whatevs.


It was fun, and I was having fun. Not a whole lot of insensitive comments though there were some. Imagine being the only black person in this situation and having to say that you can't teach the swimming portion with your scouts because you can't swim. Thoroughly embarrassing. Or how about having to defend a child who was recently adopted from Nigeria who was being penalized for not having brought sunscreen to camp with him? I could have broken somebody's face that day.


Unfortunately, coming out of a school system that was at least 95% Black at the time of my attendance did not adequately prepare me to defend myself, my culture, or my race against some of these comments because I simply was not aware that people in the world still believed the things some of these people said to me. 


This turned out to be a great situation to be in that summer. I would be heading off to college that fall and although I would be going to an environment where I would still be in the minority, it would be less so and my experience at camp would help me adjust to that. My freshman year of college and I had a young woman tell me that I was the first black person she'd ever spoken to directly. I didn't even realize there were places were something like that could happen. 


What I want to address today pertains to something that was said to me that summer at Boy Scout camp. One of my fellow counselors commented on the fact that I had been carrying around my course catalog for college all summer. Indeed, I had. I was obsessed, constantly circling and highlighting interesting looking classes, making lists of them. My course catalog had been practically glued to my hand anytime I had a little time to myself. 


Then, he went on to say.


"I'm worried about getting in to college because I'm white."


Pump the brakes. Put this struggle bus in reverse.


I stared at this dude, blank stare, for a full 30 seconds. I had to ask him what he meant by that. His response:


"Well, it's easier for black people to get into college and get scholarships and stuff because of affirmative action."


BRAKE.


I don't remember what I said back to him. I do remember being terribly taken aback. Not just because of what he said, but also because he was being completely sincere. Not only did he truly think he would have a hard time being accepted to college because he was white, he ALSO believed that he would have a harder time finding financial assistance because he was white. So where do thoughts like this come from?


Here's the thing, I get some of it. The overwhelming majority of, well, the majority believe that Affirmative Action gives the two institutions with the most influence on your lifetime earnings and degree of wealth, higher learning institutions and growing businesses, quotas they MUST fill with minorities, and as the story usually goes, black people specifically.


We've all heard somebody tell some version of this story:  My father/uncle/cousin/neighbor didn't get into college/didn't get a job/didn't get the contract and a less qualified in some way black/latino/indigenous/ person did because of affirmative action. Do you think that's very fair? Is that what equality is?


Here's my stance on these arguments: shut up. First of all, how on EARTH could you possibly know that said black/latino/indigenous/ person is less qualified than your father/uncle/cousin/neighbor? Hm? Did you see their resume/proposal/transcript? Were you part of the hiring/accepting process? Moreover, what about them makes you ASSUME that they were less qualified? Hello? I don't hear anything. You're quiet. Can I buy a vowel?


Precisely.


As far as affirmative action quotas go, they are only ever set up for companies that have a researched history of discriminating against minorities in their hiring practices. Even then, this usually doesn't end up the way you'd think it would because women are considered minorities in the workplace, and so white women are hired in lower level positions to fill the quota. 


And college for free? Where they do that at?! When I came to college, I had three merit-based scholarships. I took out loans to cover the rest. I received NO MONEY just because I'm black.Yes, there are scholarships and grants that target black students. Most of these are either funded privately, or are funded by a government source doing so for, trust me, very political reasons that have little to do with the forward progress of the black community and more to do with polling. If you take the time, most of the scholarships are for around $500. While I will say every little bit helps, what did that really just cover? My books? A month of my living expenses? Child, please.


Let's not forget that to receive any scholarship or grant, YOU HAVE TO GET INTO COLLEGE. Before you start thinking that colleges and universities are just letting black people enroll all willy-nilly, please re-read above paragraphs. 


Also, I have to say this: If black students are just getting paid to come to college while all the poor white students are being punished for the crimes of their ancestors (or the people their ancestors looked like) then why are black college students graduating with more student loan debt than any other race of student? There's no special black codicile in a promissory note that invites us to apply for more federal loan money than everybody else because, 


"You remember that slavery thing? Our bad."


I know some of you think I don't know any black people, but I do. And I can tell you that none of us are going to school for free for being black. Some have academic scholarships, some have athletic scholarships, some work their butts off, some have taken out every loan they can to cover it, and some are very lucky to have a familial financial situation that allows them to attend college with family covering the costs. 


So, the next time someone starts talking about affirmative action and how it's keeping "the white man" down, make sure you've done your research. Don't listen to some half-cocked story about less qualified minorities taking all the jobs, you know what, don't listen to me. READ SOMETHING. Think about why some people feel more entitled to jobs and good education than other people. Think about the environment we're raising children in where they grow up to expect that if  a black person sits next to them in a college class, they're an athlete, a charity case, or more rarely, "one of the good ones". 


Okay, I'm done. That's my rant. If you ever want to discuss anything I've written here, let me know. Especially, if anything I said was wrong. I would LOVE to know that something I said here was wrong or no longer true. 


That would mean progress, and progress is good.

Letter #6: A Letter To A Stranger

Dear Stranger,


For a year they came. Left on my doorstep, my bike basket, an old bookshelf on my patio. First a PostSecret book (no secret enclosed). Then a copy of "The Secret Garden" still with no hint to who you were. I would come to own ten books this way, the last being "Shopgirl". It's insane that I still have no idea who you are.


Is it strange I never worried about receiving these little presents? That I never considered I was being stalked or given anthrax poisoning, especially because of my tendency to expect such things in daily life? I suppose I simply never expected a potential murderer to care so much about my literary appetite. Or to take the time to surprise me.


Wait. Maybe the element of surprise is integral to murder. 


This strange and loving thing you did for me, I don't understand it. I never got to say "thank you". I read, and in some cases re-read, everything you left me. Some I've even given away or let others borrow. Others I keep close to home, unwilling to let them go.


Maybe you don't know this, but you were leaving me these books during what was perhaps the most difficult time of my life. I was not well and only minimally interested in getting well. I was okay, but just so. Hanging on by translucent threads. You're kindness gave me some color. Maybe you knew all this. I like to think you didn't. I like to believe in the power of good timing.


I hope someone gives you something you like. I hope they surprise you.


I hope they don't leave their name.


Thank you again. 


Love,


Ashley